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The Single Life - Part I

3/16/2017

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  • I realize that most of you reading this are not single, and while you may not be able to relate to what you’re about to read, I’m hoping it gives you a better understanding of what your single friends may be experiencing.
 
I’ve discovered that being single in your 30’s is very different than being single in your 20’s. In your 20’s, many people are moving to new cities, starting new careers, and it’s easy to find other singles to hang out with. As you approach the late 20’s, it’s common for many of those single friends to start getting married, which was the case in my experience. You know you go to a lot of weddings when the people at the Bed, Bath, and Beyond Gift Registry recognize you and say, “Welcome Back!”
 
Being single in your 20’s is expected. Being single in your 30’s, however, is completely different.
I’m not sure if this is true for all singles in their 30’s (or older), but the following has been my experience….
 
Whenever I meet someone new they typically ask me, “How many kids do you have?” or “How old are your kids?” At first I found it surprising that they skip the whole, “Are you married?” question and go straight into asking me about children. Now, it doesn’t surprise me, because it happens so often. They assume that since I’m a woman in my 30’s, I’m married and have kids.
 
When they ask me about my kids, how do I respond? I often say, “I have 23 seven and eight year olds.” And then I watch their jaws drop and the look of shock and awe take over their faces (which I find quite amusing). At this point, I explain, “I’m single, but I teach 2nd grade, and I consider all my students my kids.” Smiles and laughter always follows, but they still appear surprised. 
 
Sometimes, I will even get this response, “Wow! Really? I’m sorry…I don’t know what I would do without my husband.” (Just to be clear, this is NOT the best way to respond.)
 
Society has caused many single people to believe they are less valuable than those who are married. If you don’t believe that, I encourage you to ask your single friends what their experience has been. 

Social media, TV shows, movies, and even the music we listen to, try to make us believe that our lives can’t be fulfilled unless we are in a romantic relationship.
 
That is a lie.
 
Being single is nothing to be ashamed of, so please don’t apologize to your single friends.
 
What have I done without a husband? I have moved to a new city, started a career, bought a home, and have pursued the calling God has on my life. Would it have been nice to experience those things with a husband? Absolutely, but I haven’t put my life on hold just because I’m single. And you know what? My life is still full of happiness, joy, and a sense of purpose. 
 
The truth is, though, it isn't easy being a single adult. 
 
To read more, click here: The Single Life – Part II
2 Comments
april
3/17/2017 03:32:32 pm

I get a variation of the kid question...it starts with "do you have kids?" instead of just launching into a discussion on the ages of my imaginary children.

Can we just talk about how inappropriate these questions are and how much growing society has to do?? If someone is seriously struggling with her marital status/lack thereof or inability to have children in her life, HOW do people think those questions hit her? Do they think they're sensitive, being sympathetic to the conflict there may be with her desires and current season of her life? If some of you folks are still thinking these questions are okay, I'd love to chat with you and share stories about how they aren't. You have no idea what has happened in a person's life to bring them to that day - good or bad - whether happy or sad about her current status, it is impersonal to start with that barrage of questions. How'd you like a single person to ask you about the last time you had sex with your husband? Yeah. Feels intrusive, doesn't it?

I will say, there are lots of things different in your 30s compared to your 20s for sure. Some are super great, but the 'now it's hard to make new friends when you move to a new city' and 'where will i meet a potential mate now that my circle isn't expanding' elements are not super great.

Still, I know that the plans for my life will be carried out if I remain obedient. There's nothing I can do to limit God's plans because I'm just not that important/powerful. So, for those married folks who think they have to apologize to us singles for not being married/not having kids, well, to that I say "No thanks, this is what my life plan is for this season; if it continues throughout my life here on earth, I intend to love and cherish it as much then as I do now. I would never be sorry for how God has mapped out my life, so there's no need for you to be."

And I also might add, "When was the last time you were on a plane to Europe, 3 weeks after deciding you wanted to go?" :)

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Julie
3/17/2017 10:27:18 pm

I think when people ask me about having kids, they are asking out of curiosity and trying to find a way to connect with me (since lots of women my age are married and do have kids). But yes, I think it's important for people to realize that asking about children right away could be a sensitive topic (for multiple reasons).

I LOVE how you said, "I would never be sorry for how God has mapped out my life, so there's no need for you to be." That is SO good (I think I may steal that response. I probably won't have to wait very long to use it).

Thanks, April, for sharing so honestly. I'm so grateful that God has brought you into my life! (And that we can share stories from our single lives.)

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