​Several months ago, I shared some health struggles I was going through, due to inflammation of my thyroid gland. Even though I wasn’t sure how everything was going to turn out, I sensed I was supposed to share this part of my story with others.
 
You can read what I shared here.
 
After I posted that blog, many people let me know that they would be praying for me. I felt loved and supported.  
 
A few weeks later, I was given the opportunity to share at a women’s gathering at my church. I talked about how even though we can’t see God, we can trust that He is working behind the scenes on our behalf. I then mentioned that I was trusting God to help me navigate through my health struggles.
 
After I spoke, one of the leaders asked if all of the women in the room could pray over me. As an introvert, it’s uncomfortable being the center of attention, but I accepted the offer and allowed the women to pray for me. I didn’t feel any different leaving church that night, but I was grateful for everyone’s prayers.    
 
Since June, I’ve had my bloodwork monitored on a regular basis, and I’ve had several appointments with my endocrinologist. By the end of September, my thyroid bloodwork was within the normal range, and I no longer had hyperthyroidism. As each month went by, I started feeling a little better.
 
At the beginning of December, I went in for a repeat thyroid ultrasound. This was an important scan, as if my thyroid nodules increased in size from last time, I would need surgery.
 
Normally during these scans, the ultrasound technician doesn’t say very much. However, once the scan started, the ultrasound technician immediately said, “Wow – Look at that difference!” I said, “Is that a good, Wow, or a bad, Wow?” Then she said, “Wait a minute.” After a few seconds she said, “It’s a good, Wow! I thought I had the wrong patient file pulled up because this scan is so drastically different from your previous scan.”
 
During the rest of the scan, she seemed in disbelief. She said my thyroid looks completely healed.
 
I asked her, “What about the 2 nodules on the left-hand side of my thyroid?” She said, “They’re not there. You don’t have any nodules on the left-hand side.”
 
At this point, I was also shocked. The ultrasound technician told me in her 20 years of doing scans, she’s never seen a thyroid change so much from one scan to the next scan.
 
I then sensed I was supposed to tell her that people have been praying for me. She responded, “You need to let me know who’s in your prayer circle.”
 
I walked into that ultrasound appointment knowing there was a possibility that I would need surgery. I walked out of that appointment knowing that God had healed me.
 
The next day I received the official ultrasound report, which had the exact measurements of my thyroid (the inflammation from earlier was completely gone), and it stated that I had a normal thyroid with no nodules present on the left side.  
 
In the past, I have prayed for loved ones to be healed, and that healing didn’t come here on Earth. God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we want Him to, but He does promise to be with us and to strengthen, help, and uphold us (Isaiah 41:10).
 
This time, God, in his kindness, chose to heal me. I don’t know why, but I’m so grateful.
 
What I do know is that I now have another story to tell of His goodness.
 
God used this experience to remind me that prayers are powerful.
 
For those of you who have prayed for me – thank you!
 
God heard those prayers, and He healed me.
 
If you’re going through a challenging situation, I’d encourage you to let someone know. Let others support you, encourage you, and pray for you.
 
And if your prayers seem to be unanswered...keep praying. Trust that God is working behind the scenes. Remember that He loves you. Know that nothing is impossible for Him.

Recently I’ve been reminded about the importance of listening to your body. When you sense that something doesn’t feel right, trust that prompting.
 
Over the summer, I was able to go on a few trips. I had a lot of fun and posted pictures of my adventures. However, even though I was smiling in the pictures, only a few people knew that I wasn’t feeling great.
 
Here’s another reminder: Social media doesn’t always show you the full picture of what’s really going on in a person’s life.
 
Behind the scenes, I was dealing with these symptoms: pain in the front of my neck, discomfort when swallowing, having trouble sleeping, heat sensitivity, and an elevated heart rate. 
 
At first, I thought maybe I pulled a muscle in my neck or that these were normal symptoms for a woman my age to be experiencing.
 
After about a week, the pain increased, and I began to sense that something wasn’t right. A few days later, my Apple Watch gave me a high heart rate notification when I was just sitting still.
 
I opened up the Health App on my phone, and I was surprised to see that for the past several weeks, my heart rate was drastically higher than normal. That was when I decided it was time to call my doctor.
 
Within a 2-week period, I met with my primary care doctor and my endocrinologist, had multiple blood tests, a thyroid ultrasound, and a thyroid biopsy. 
 
I was diagnosed with thyroiditis (inflammation of the thyroid) and hyperthyroidism. I felt some relief having a diagnosis, and I began taking medications to help manage my symptoms.
 
My endocrinologist explained what to expect over the coming weeks and months, as there are several phases to this thyroid condition.
 
The ultrasound revealed 2 thyroid nodules, and I was sent to get a thyroid biopsy at a local hospital. The biopsy results showed some abnormal cells, but not enough to make a diagnosis. Because of this, the tissues/cells were sent to a lab in California for molecular testing.
 
Up until this point, all of my test results posted in MyChart within 24 or 48 hours. Things were moving quickly...and then I had to wait 6 weeks for the results of the molecular testing.
 
6 weeks of wondering if today would be the day I find out my results. Surprisingly, I wasn’t worried...I just wanted an answer.
 
In those 6 weeks of waiting, God gave me peace in the midst of the unknown.
 
He reminded me that He already knew the results, and because of that, I didn’t have to fear them.
 
He reminded me that no matter what happens, He will be with me to help me through it.
 
Oh, the kindness of God.
 
The molecular testing showed that I have a 50% chance of having thyroid cancer.
 
I honestly laughed when I got the results because I thought, “After such an expensive test, the best they can tell me is that I have 50/50 odds?”
 
Without a clear answer, I did the only thing I knew to do: I prayed. 
 
I prayed for wisdom and discernment for my endocrinologist...that God would guide him on what my next steps should be and if surgery is needed.
 
Right now, the recommendation is to wait a few more months, continue to monitor my bloodwork, and then do a follow-up ultrasound. The results of that will determine if I need to have a thyroidectomy.
 
In the past, I’ve shared parts of my story when a chapter has ended, but I’m learning it’s also important to share when we’re in the middle of a chapter....when we don’t know how many pages it will be, or how it’s going to end.
 
Here’s what I do know: I trust the Author.
 
Nothing catches God by surprise. Because of this, I can wait with confidence that no matter what happens on the next page of this chapter, He will be with me.
 
Oh, the kindness of God.

​ 
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was to reach out for help.
 
One of the best things I’ve ever done was to reach out for help.
 
For years, I hid my pain from others.
 
Shame silenced me.

I tried to distract myself and numb the pain through busyness, chasing perfectionism, people-pleasing, and self-injury.
 
I hid my pain from others, but I couldn’t hide my pain from God.
 
Despite my anger, questions, and doubts, He continued to love me.
 
He listened.
 
He comforted me.
 
He gave me the courage to break the silence and share my pain with others.

I still remember how nervous I was driving to my first support group for survivors of sexual abuse.
 
I still remember sitting in my car in the parking lot and being overcome with fear.
 
I still remember how hard it was to walk through the front doors for that first meeting.
 
But I also remember that at the end of that meeting, the shame didn’t feel as overwhelming. I felt a little lighter. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel alone in my pain. A glimmer of hope started to pierce through the darkness.
 
During this 10-week support group, God started to mend the broken pieces of my heart. This was the first step in my healing journey, and 9 years later, I’m still on that journey.
 
Since then, God has helped me walk through the doors of a counselor’s office, and He has also led me to another group: Restoration: Beauty From Ashes.

Restoration is an 11-week Bible study and support group for women who have experienced sexual abuse (at any age). Instead of focusing on the details of the abuse, we focus on the impact that the abuse has on our lives.  
 
I’ve learned that even though our stories are different, survivors of sexual abuse often struggle with similar issues, such as: shame, guilt, depression, anxiety, fear, anger, bitterness, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others / maintaining relationships.
 
God has used the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes group to reveal truth to me about the abuse I experienced and truth about my identity.
 
In this safe, confidential, supportive, and loving community:

• God took away my guilt and He reminded me that the abuse was not my fault.

 

• He took away my feelings of worthlessness and He reminded me that I’m loved.

 

• He took away my doubts and He reminded me that I can always trust Him.

 

• He took away my anger and He gave me peace.

 

• He took away the shame that used to silence me and He gave me back my voice.

Now, I have the privilege of being a leader in the Restoration ministry.
 
God brought hope, healing, and redemption to my story.
 
He can do the same for you.
 
All you have to do is reach out for help.

If you are a woman and sexual abuse (at any age) is part of your story, know that the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes ministry is here to support you.
 
For more information about Restoration: Beauty From Ashes​ send me a private message or click here. 

Welcome to 2021! I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that 2020 is now behind us. It was definitely a tough year. 

For many people, seeing the calendar change to January 1st means a chance to reset. To start over. To set new goals. To make lists of things you want to accomplish this year.
 
Back in 2015, instead of making lists and resolutions, I decided to focus on ONE WORD for the entire year.  

 This simple act was so impactful that every January since then I’ve picked a new word to focus on.
 
Here are the words I’ve chosen in the past.

2015: Obey
2016: Share    
2017: Look 
2018: Connect 
2019: Contentment
2020: Speak  

Last year I chose “speak” because I wanted to use the voice God gave me to help and encourage others. While He did give me opportunities to do that, what I discovered is that God also wanted to speak to me. He used all the weeks / months during quarantine and isolation to remind me that no matter what happens, He is still in control and that He still loves me and cares about me.
 
Each year, when choosing a new word to focus on, I always pray about it. Sometimes it takes me weeks to choose a word. This time, though, a word immediately came to mind.
 
My word for 2021 is HOPE.
 
When I looked up the definition of hope it said: “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen; a feeling of trust.”
 
Over the years, I’ve heard the song O Holy Night countless times. It’s one of my favorite Christmas songs, but this year, whenever I heard it, these lyrics would always jump out at me: “A thrill of hope. A weary world rejoices.”
 
Even though this song was written in the 1800s, these lyrics seem so relevant right now. The birth of Jesus caused a weary world to rejoice and to have hope. In the midst of our heartache, disappointment, and exhaustion, we still can have hope because of Jesus.
 
For those of us who believe in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, our faith reminds us that this world is temporary.

We have a unique purpose to fulfill during our days on Earth, but our eternal home will be with God in heaven. Revelation 21:4 tells us that pain, sadness, sickness, and death will no longer exist. Keeping this in perspective gives me hope.

​Here are a few things I’m hoping for in 2021....
 
I hope the pandemic will soon end.
 
I hope our country will become more united.
 
I hope to spend more time with friends and family.
 
I hope that better days are ahead.
 
I hold onto hope because I trust the One who is holding me.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
 
What’s your One Word for 2021?

Here’s my One Word bracelet for 2021 from MudLOVE. You can create your own custom-made bracelet by clicking here.

*Every item purchased through MudLOVE provides a week of safe, clean water to someone in need.  

​On January 1, 2020 so many of us had hope, excitement, and anticipation of what the new year would bring. We made plans, set goals, and dreamed about how 2020 would be better than 2019. We said, “Happy New Year!” to each other and truly meant it.
 
And then March 11th happened.
 
The World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic, and 2020 suddenly looked very different than how we imagined it a few months earlier. 

​I remember hearing people say that 2020 was supposed to be the year of “perfect vision.” They were equating this to having 20/20 vision on an eye exam. After doing some research, though, I learned that 20/20 is not perfect vision, but it is considered “normal vision.”
 
I think we can all agree that “normal” is the last word we would use to describe 2020.  
 
This year has been hard.
 
It has been full of heartache, stress, loss, and disappointments.
 
We have grieved a lot in 2020. 
 
Grief changes us. It causes us to see the world differently.
 
2020 helped me see just how much I took for granted, especially the small moments in life...like going to the movies with friends or being able to sit with my students on our classroom carpet and see their smiles.
 
2020 has also helped me see that love involves sacrifice. It’s putting others before ourselves.
 
Sometimes love means coming together, and sometimes it means keeping our distance to protect the ones we love.
 
Finally, 2020 has helped me see that when we’re surrounded with uncertainty, it’s important to keep our eyes focused on the One who never changes.
 
God is still in control. He is still loving.
 
And on the days when your vision seems blurry, know that God still sees you, and He will help you take your next step. He still has perfect vision.