There once was a girl Without a care in the world Then one day Everything changed As she walked by I saw the hurt in her eyes That I’ve seen before So I asked to talk some more When this world turns its back on you You can turn to me When this world tells you lies May the truth set you free When this world brings you down Lift your eyes up above When this world betrays you Don’t give up on love For so long She’s held on And kept a burden inside She’s tried to run from life She found out You can only run for so long She fell on her knees And opened up to me When this world turns its back on you You can turn to me When this world tells you lies May the truth set you free When this world brings you down Lift your eyes up above When this world betrays you Don’t give up on love I never gave up on you I'll never give up on you. If you've ever experienced betrayal, you know how much it hurts. In the midst of our heartache, God is there. He promises never to leave us or forsake us (Deut. 31:8). He desires for us to come to Him and honestly share how we're feeling. When I talked to God about a betrayal I had experienced, He reminded me that since He still loves me, I still have love to give to others. I don't have to give up on love because He will never give up loving me.
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At the beginning of 2016, I started this blog because I felt led to share more of my story with others. As an introvert, sharing personal information about myself does not come naturally to me, but God continued to prompt me to write and share. So I did. Forty-three blogs later, I've come to the end of 2016, and I realized something pretty amazing. My hope and prayer has always been that God would use these blogs to encourage others, and while that may have happened, He has actually used these blogs to encourage me. Re-reading my blogs has reminded me that I can trust God in the present and with my future, because He has always been faithful and loving in the past. I have been reminded that joy and pain can co-exist and that we weren’t meant to experience either alone. Looking back, here are my top 10 (most read) blogs of 2016. I hope they encourage you, and I look forward to writing more in 2017. This blog initially appeared on the Motherless Daughters Ministry website. Growing up, I loved the Christmas season. I loved listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas movies, eating way too many Christmas cookies, and having a few weeks off of school. The best part, though, was opening gifts on Christmas morning with my family. My younger brother and I had a pact. Whoever got up first would go and wake up the other one. As a kid, sleep doesn’t seem important when there are presents to unwrap. In the early morning hours, my brother and I would head downstairs, look at all the gifts under the tree, go through our stockings, and anxiously wait for our parents to wake up. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, but one year I found it extremely hard to celebrate. When I was 26 years old, my mom passed away after a 9-year battle with breast cancer. It was difficult watching my mom endure so much suffering over the years, and when she finally went home to be with Jesus, I felt as if she took a piece of me with her. My heart and my world felt completely shattered. The first year after a loss is extremely tough. The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but it’s hard to celebrate when you’re missing a loved one. It was hard taking our annual family picture by the Christmas tree without her. It was hard eating Christmas dinner and seeing the empty chair where she always sat. It was hard opening gifts when the one thing I wanted the most couldn’t be bought at a store. That Christmas, my Dad told my brother and I that we each had a special gift, but it had to be opened last. I was already holding back tears, and then my mind started racing, wondering what this special gift could be. It was finally time for us to open our last gifts. We each had identical looking bags to open. We opened them at the same time, and as soon as I saw what was inside I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. In that instant, even though my mom wasn’t physically there, the room was filled with love and precious memories of her. We each received a quilt made from some of our mom’s clothes. My Dad explained that the quilts were made by our mom’s childhood friend (who also happened to be one of her co-workers). It was a gift that I never expected, but will always treasure. It was made out of love and reminds me of a person who I will always love. Whenever I look at my quilt, I’m reminded of my mom and how she taught me all about strength, courage, and perseverance. I’m reminded that she loved God, and she loved the people that He had placed in her life. Seeing these familiar pieces of old fabric woven together in a new way reminds me that God can take the pieces of our lives and make something new and beautiful out of them. God can take something unexpected and use it to remind us that we are loved by others and by Him. I still miss my mom every day, especially on the holidays, but losing her has helped me realize that time is a gift. Make the most of the moments God gives you. Spend them with people you love, and use your moments to make others feel loved. This Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, remember that one of the best gifts you can give someone is the gift of your time. Who will you give it to? Here is a section of the quilt. Dear Childhood Home, For 34 years, I called you home. Within your walls, memories were made: baking cookies, brownies, pizzelles, and bread in the kitchen, family dinners and birthday celebrations around the dining room table, watching TV in the living room, helping mom grade papers on the sofa, opening presents underneath the Christmas tree, my brother and I throwing toys down the laundry chute, singing and playing instruments (and Dad playing the piano every Sunday morning to wake us up), playing Oregon Trail on the computer, setting up trains in the basement, and spending time just hanging out with family, friends, and neighbors… Within your walls, I felt safe. Within your walls, my family grew closer. Within your walls, love was found. And for that, I will forever be thankful. Now, it is time to move on. Now, it is time for another family to call you their home. Now, it is time for someone else to make lasting memories inside your walls. I never thought it would be so hard to say goodbye. I never thought I would grieve a house, but you aren’t just a house. You are a home full of memories. Memories of people I love. Memories of people I miss. Memories of my family. Even though it's time for us to leave, you gave my family these memories to take with us to our next home. Thank you for this gift. Thank you for being such a wonderful home. I hope this new family will also find joy and love within your walls. Love, Julie P.S. The great thing about memories is that you can create them anywhere you go. I look forward to visiting my family and making new memories along the way. I recently finished reading Jenny Simmons' latest book, Made Well: Finding Wholeness in the Everyday Sacred Moments. Made Well is full of stories – stories that will make you laugh and stories that will probably cause you to shed a few tears. All of the stories remind me that healing is possible but often comes in unexpected ways. What I admire most about Jenny Simmons is her willingness to be vulnerable. She shares stories from the lives of friends and family members, but also honestly shares struggles she has faced in her own life. Through those experiences, Jenny has learned: “Healing happens all the time, even if a cure doesn’t. I am invited to be made well even when the broken things don’t get put perfectly back together. Healing happens.” This quote resonates so much with me. The truth is, God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we would like. For 9 years, I watched my mom battle breast cancer, and I prayed that God would heal her. I wanted that healing to take place here on Earth, but instead my mom was healed when she met Jesus. What does healing look like for those left behind after a devastating loss? God often reveals His love to us through others. Many times it’s through simple acts: someone brings us food or runs errands for us, we receive a card or text/e-mail, someone asks us to share memories of our loved one, or they are willing to simply sit with us in our pain. Being “made well” doesn’t mean our grief disappears. Instead, it’s love displayed in ordinary moments. Moments that give us hope in the midst of our grief. One of my favorite chapters of Made Well was Chapter 6 – “Psychiatrist, Therapist, Pills – Oh My!” First of all, the title made me laugh. Then, I thought, “Is she really going to write about this?” The answer is yes! I’m especially thankful for this chapter because of the words of truth that are shared: “Naming our broken bits is the first step to finding healing for them. Inviting someone else into your journey might be your bravest decision.” Jenny invites us into her journey of seeking help for anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. She reminds us that God does amazing work through counselors, doctors, and sometimes He even uses medication to bring healing. It was so refreshing to read this, as many people think it’s a sign of weakness to ask for help. I used to be one of those people. Now, I see asking for help as a sign of strength. Like Jenny, God brought healing to my life through a Christian counselor. Sitting in her office that first session and naming my “broken bits” was scary, but it was a huge step on my healing journey. Part of my brokenness has been the result of experiencing childhood sexual abuse. It was something that I kept a secret for most of my life. Breaking the silence allowed the healing process to begin. While I won’t be completely restored until I meet Jesus, I am currently in the process of being “made well.” Healing has come through the love and support of family and friends, learning healthy ways to deal with my emotions (writing, exercising, music), connecting with other survivors of abuse, and reading books, articles, and blogs by people who honestly share their experiences. Realizing I'm not alone has brought comfort and hope. Healing has come through words of truth spoken by pastors and friends at my church. While I still struggle at times with feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness, they have reminded me of who I am in God’s eyes. Do you desire healing? If so, allow others to walk with you on the journey. God still performs miracles, but many times healing happens in the small everyday moments of life. It may even happen while reading the words and stories of Made Well. “Healing in this life is but a foretaste of what is to come.” |
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