I recently finished reading Jenny Simmons' latest book, Made Well: Finding Wholeness in the Everyday Sacred Moments. Made Well is full of stories – stories that will make you laugh and stories that will probably cause you to shed a few tears. All of the stories remind me that healing is possible but often comes in unexpected ways. What I admire most about Jenny Simmons is her willingness to be vulnerable. She shares stories from the lives of friends and family members, but also honestly shares struggles she has faced in her own life. Through those experiences, Jenny has learned: “Healing happens all the time, even if a cure doesn’t. I am invited to be made well even when the broken things don’t get put perfectly back together. Healing happens.” This quote resonates so much with me. The truth is, God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we would like. For 9 years, I watched my mom battle breast cancer, and I prayed that God would heal her. I wanted that healing to take place here on Earth, but instead my mom was healed when she met Jesus. What does healing look like for those left behind after a devastating loss? God often reveals His love to us through others. Many times it’s through simple acts: someone brings us food or runs errands for us, we receive a card or text/e-mail, someone asks us to share memories of our loved one, or they are willing to simply sit with us in our pain. Being “made well” doesn’t mean our grief disappears. Instead, it’s love displayed in ordinary moments. Moments that give us hope in the midst of our grief. One of my favorite chapters of Made Well was Chapter 6 – “Psychiatrist, Therapist, Pills – Oh My!” First of all, the title made me laugh. Then, I thought, “Is she really going to write about this?” The answer is yes! I’m especially thankful for this chapter because of the words of truth that are shared: “Naming our broken bits is the first step to finding healing for them. Inviting someone else into your journey might be your bravest decision.” Jenny invites us into her journey of seeking help for anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. She reminds us that God does amazing work through counselors, doctors, and sometimes He even uses medication to bring healing. It was so refreshing to read this, as many people think it’s a sign of weakness to ask for help. I used to be one of those people. Now, I see asking for help as a sign of strength. Like Jenny, God brought healing to my life through a Christian counselor. Sitting in her office that first session and naming my “broken bits” was scary, but it was a huge step on my healing journey. Part of my brokenness has been the result of experiencing childhood sexual abuse. It was something that I kept a secret for most of my life. Breaking the silence allowed the healing process to begin. While I won’t be completely restored until I meet Jesus, I am currently in the process of being “made well.” Healing has come through the love and support of family and friends, learning healthy ways to deal with my emotions (writing, exercising, music), connecting with other survivors of abuse, and reading books, articles, and blogs by people who honestly share their experiences. Realizing I'm not alone has brought comfort and hope. Healing has come through words of truth spoken by pastors and friends at my church. While I still struggle at times with feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness, they have reminded me of who I am in God’s eyes. Do you desire healing? If so, allow others to walk with you on the journey. God still performs miracles, but many times healing happens in the small everyday moments of life. It may even happen while reading the words and stories of Made Well. “Healing in this life is but a foretaste of what is to come.”
6 Comments
Every week, I read lots of blogs. I’m drawn to writers who are vulnerable and honest in their blogs, because I think the world needs more honesty. If someone were to ask me today, “How are you?” my automatic response would be, “I’m good.” But my honest response would be…. I’ve been feeling restless. I’ve been wondering if what I’m doing now is what God wants me to continue doing, or if He has something else planned. The overwhelming sense of peace that I used to feel is now replaced by moments of peace and waves of restlessness. For someone who likes to have everything planned out, feeling restless is scary and uncomfortable. I was talking with a friend today and told her how I’ve been feeling. I was surprised when she admitted that she has also been feeling restless. I would’ve never known this unless I had been honest with her in the first place. At that moment, I sensed God saying, “See….I brought you a friend who understands what you’re going through. I place specific people in your life at a specific time for a reason. You two can support one another.” I’m thankful for the honest conversation I had with my friend today. Maybe I’m feeling restless because God has something different planned for me. Maybe I’m feeling restless because He’s using this season of my life to strengthen certain aspects of my character. Maybe it's a good thing to feel restless. If feeling restless causes us to pursue God more and ultimately fulfill His purpose for our lives, then maybe we shouldn't want to settle with being comfortable. In her study, Restless, Jennie Allen says: “The restlessness we feel is not a bad thing. I believe it is the longing and passion in us for God – for more. It could push us to move forward, to live epic lives that were designed before the foundations of the earth were laid.” If you’re feeling restless, maybe it’s because God doesn’t want you to settle for less than what He’s created you for. Pray for wisdom and discernment, and surround yourself with people who will encourage you along the way. I’d be happy to be one of those people if you need someone. Bravery doesn’t always involve risking your life for someone else. Sometimes it is taking a risk for yourself – a risk that could result in experiencing a better life. It’s stepping outside your comfort zone. I recently met some incredibly brave women. We only spent a weekend together, but we will forever be connected. Who are these brave women? They are the participants of our first Motherless Daughters Journey Retreat. These women, all different ages and from different backgrounds, chose to spend the weekend with a group of women they never met. Some of them even traveled great distances. They all chose to share their stories and were vulnerable about the heartache that comes with mother loss. Instead of hiding their grief, they honestly expressed it. They trusted their pain with someone else. That is bravery. These women quickly bonded with each other. They not only cried together, but laughed, supported, and encouraged one another. It was incredible to see the healing that took place. It was such an honor and privilege to be one of the facilitators at the Journey Retreat. It’s humbling to think that God would allow me to be a part of His plan - that He would allow me to walk alongside and support these women. I honestly had doubts and questioned God about facilitating. I questioned my abilities, which ironically was the exact reason I knew I was supposed to facilitate – I couldn’t do it on my own, but I needed to rely on God to equip me and help me. A lot of planning went into the retreat, but so did a lot of prayer. Our group of volunteers prayed for these women before we met them. As a facilitator, I prayed that they would feel loved, supported, and encouraged, and that God would give them peace, comfort, and hope in the midst of their grief. I also prayed for healing. I expected God to answer those prayers, and He did. What I didn’t expect was for Him to use these women to do all of those things for me. They provided me with love, support, comfort, and encouragement. I felt such peace in their presence, and they gave me hope. God used them to remind me that even though I will have to experience several major life events without my mom, He will put other women in my life to help me through those experiences. It may be hard to face them without my mom, but I won’t have to go through them alone. I saw this lived out in the stories of the women at the retreat, and it was such an encouragement to me. Even though all of our stories are different, mother loss binds us together. There are certain things that only other motherless daughters understand. It’s a group that I never wanted to be a part of, but I’m so thankful for the women I have met along the way. I’m especially thankful for the brave women that I met at the Journey Retreat.
“Looking back, it is evident that God’s love is written across the pages of my life, but it didn’t always seem like that…”
I grew up in a Christian home and had amazing parents who loved God and showed me unconditional love and support. I went to church, Sunday School, and youth group every week. I knew all about God from an early age. I read the Bible. I sang hymns and listened to Christian music. I even memorized scriptures. You would think that my relationship with God was always strong. You would think that it has been easy for me to trust Him. You would be wrong. The truth is, while it appeared on the outside that I had the “perfect” Christian life, on the inside I was constantly questioning God. I lived most of my life being weighed down by shame and guilt and pretending that everything was “ok.” I lived most of my life doubting God’s goodness. I lived most of my life overachieving and chasing perfectionism, because it distracted me from dealing with reality. I learned at an early age that betrayal takes seconds, but the effects can last a lifetime. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and it was a secret that I kept for most of my life. When a close friend shared her story with me, it gave me the courage to break the silence and share mine for the first time. It was then that I learned the power of our stories - the power of realizing that we’re not alone in our brokenness. Breaking the silence was the first step of my healing journey, and it’s a journey that I am still on. The abuse caused me to question my faith more than anything else in my life. For so long, I couldn’t understand how a loving God could allow someone to experience abuse. If He truly loved me, why didn’t He protect me? I knew in the Bible it said that God would never leave us or forsake us, but I felt abandoned by Him. Where was He when I needed Him most? Not only did the abuse make it hard for me to trust God, but I had a hard time trusting others. I also struggled for a season with self-injury. I was using pain to cope with pain, and just like the abuse, I hid it from those around me. I didn’t want to be a burden or cause anyone sadness, so I thought by keeping my struggles to myself I was protecting others. Pain tells us to stay silent. Eventually, God gave me the courage to speak. He helped me bring into the light everything I had been hiding, and that is when the healing began. Through support groups and counseling, God revealed many things to me. I learned that His heart breaks when we experience pain, but the fact is we live in a fallen world where people have free-will. Where was God when I was being abused? He was in the room with me, and His heart was breaking. He did protect me, but in a different way than I initially thought. He protected my heart. Despite the abuse, He has allowed me to give and receive love. He created me with a desire to help others, and that desire still remains. In fact, it’s stronger than ever now. God gave me resilience, strength, and hope. Life definitely still has its challenges. The abuse I experienced as a child forever changed me, but so has God’s love. Through all my years of questioning, anger, and doubt, God remained. He didn’t just stay. He pursued me. He placed others along my path to reveal truth and love when I needed it most. I lost my innocence, but I found that the one thing I could never lose is God’s love. The pages of my story which initially caused me to question God the most are now the exact pages He wants me to share. Why? Because God doesn’t want us to deal with pain alone. He has placed specific people in our lives for a reason. When we honestly share our stories, we begin to see all the connections, and we can better support and encourage one another. I initially shared my secret because someone else had the courage to share theirs. Chances are, someone in your close circle of friends or family has experienced some type of abuse. Maybe you have. Maybe you’re struggling with something else. Pain will tell you to stay silent. Hope and healing are possible. Break the silence. Share your story. It may help someone else. Light and darkness - two extremes. Light creates heat, darkness brings cooler temperatures. Light creates a feeling of safety, darkness can bring on anxiety. Light enables community and relationships (we can see others around us), darkness encourages isolation. Light exposes the truth, darkness hides the truth. When things are going well in our lives, we want to share our happiness with others. Being in community is something we desire. The fun, laughter, and joy we experience in the presence of others reminds us that life is better when we experience it together. Then, struggles come. Loss happens. An unexpected diagnosis. Financial difficulties. Others betray us. We experience deep hurt. Life suddenly is very different than how we imagined it to be. If you’re anything like me, my natural tendency is to pull away from others at this point or to hide the painful things I’m experiencing. So often I want to protect others from experiencing sadness, or I don’t want to be a burden, so I have tried to navigate the struggles on my own. One day, as I was reading the Bible, this truth was clearly revealed to me: Besides the Father (God) and the Holy Spirit, Jesus had 12 disciples by His side. If even Jesus didn’t walk through life alone, why do I think I can? If Jesus loved others and invested time in them even though He knew they would betray Him, shouldn’t I also do the same? It was at that point that I realized that maybe instead of keeping my struggles in the dark that I should bring them into the light. Maybe instead of hiding the most painful parts of my story, I should reveal them….and allow others the opportunity to support me. When you’re so used to being comfortable in the dark, stepping forward into the light can be scary. So, I started praying that God would bring “safe” people into my life. People who had proven themselves trustworthy. People who I could share my joys and trials with without feeling judged. I also prayed that God would give me boldness to share my story when He prompted me to. God is faithful. He answered those prayers. Here’s what I learned along the way: 1. If you don’t feel like you have a safe person, pray that God will bring you someone who can be trusted. Consider also seeing a counselor. This has been helpful for me. 2. True courage is not facing adversity on your own, but allowing others to walk alongside you. There’s no shame in reaching out for help. Leaning on God and others isn’t a sign of weakness, but it allows those around us to show us love when we need it most. Their support makes us stronger. 3. That first step into the light (revealing a struggle) is one of the hardest steps you’ll take. Fear will try to hold you back. Move forward anyways. 4. Once you step into the light, you are allowing others to see the real you. They will be able to see things you are comfortable sharing, but they will also be able to see those things which you have kept hidden for so long in the dark. This part can be terrifying, but it can also bring freedom, especially when our confessions are met with love, caring, and acceptance. Hope is ignited when we realize that others will be there to help us through the struggles. 5. Walking in the light encourages others to walk in the light. Honesty inspires others to be honest. You begin to see that everyone has something they’ve been trying to hide and are struggling with - you aren’t the only one. 6. Once you have experienced the freedom and healing that comes from bringing your struggles into the light, be that safe person for someone else. Remember it’s an honor to hear someone’s story. Listen with the intent to love, not to judge. Help break the cycle of isolation when community is needed most. What have you been hiding in the dark? Is there something you feel holding you back from living the abundant life that God desires for you (John 10:10)? If so, I would encourage you to find a safe person and share what you’ve been hiding. Bring it into the light. For me, that is when the healing started, and it continues today. It hasn’t been easy, but the love and support I have received along the way has encouraged me to continue moving forward. Whatever you are going through, know you are not alone. It’s ok to need other people. Moving from darkness to light begins with a single step, but can result in experiencing peace, freedom, healing, and the joy of living in honest community. It’s an amazing feeling to be truly known and yet still fully loved. Is that something you desire? If so, maybe it’s time to take that first step…. |
About Julie
I'm an ordinary introvert who loves an extraordinary God. Categories
All
Archives
July 2021
|